By: Iyo_Embong

WE’VE heard this cliché so many times, or is this simply the plain truth? Yup, you’re right! It is difficult, indeed, to please everyone.

Each day comes with challenges. We work with people, we move around people. Interaction with others is so much inevitable. We cannot do without others in this game called life. We simply have NO CHOICE but co-exist with other human beings.

But have you really thought hard enough why we keep on pleasing others? Why we try to “fit in” or simply go with what the majority wants? There are several reasons why we try to please everyone: fear, apprehension, hesitancy perhaps?

People who conform or please everyone do this as a means of survival. They don’t rock boats so that their comforts zones are not compromised. They simply want people to pose no danger or threat to their “secure” environments. People who conform just exist. They don’t make strong statements or moves to disrupt the stability they are in. They play safe all the time to survive in the jungle they are in.

• Don’t please everyone because there are some who will try to get one over you because of vested interests. People can also misconstrue your being “kind” and nice to these people as having a liking to them. Your reputation in turn can be blemished, and your relationships can be threatened.
• Pleasing everyone does not please everyone too. You disappoint and lose your real good friends along the way. You will frustrate them. People-pleasing has its advantages – you can get what you need. But on the other hand, the experience can be heartbreaking too. Learn from it. Some people have trauma or fears. Rejection is an experience that can be both humiliating and can affect self-respect. Perhaps it is another reason why pleasing everyone seems to be safe and right. There is a pressing need to be accepted.
• Pleasing everyone is not a 100 percent guarantee that you will not be rejected again. The more you please the greater their expectations become and eventually it will be difficult to keep up with their demands.
• In the same manner, never expect or demand from people to reciprocate your kindness. They might not meet up to your expectations even if you have done so much for them. You can give someone ALL your love, and sacrifice all what you’ve got but that doesn’t give you a 100 percent guarantee. Betrayal abound even if good has been sowed. Throughout history, there are many truly great men with legitimate intentions who had been skinned and burned alive by the very people whom they have pleased, served and love the most.
• You cannot expect loyalty from everyone. Some people cannot simply be loyal. They want to have their cake and eat it too just to preserve or survive in this world. Pleasing everyone and extending too much of yourself and resources make you open to more betrayals. You may be loyal as a dog, but others cannot simply be. Some just need something tangible out of your friendship. And that is a painful fact.

Be your true self. Be a true person full of compassion yet not putting on a mask just to please others. Try to be different and non-conforming. Try not to be “too embracing” of everything that you aim to gain everyone’s friendship that you lose yourself amid the pretense and effort to be what you are not. Being true and real to people takes a lot of courage to face realities.

We need not please everyone to gain friendship. It is much better to have a few good ones than a multitude of hypocrites and advantage takers. You need not dance too much to their music just to be accepted and patronized. Just be who you really are. Learn to say “NO”. Don’t ever try to accommodate even if you cannot handle the situation anymore. Know your limitations and boundaries.

Do what you think is right. After all, science, religion and philosophy had always agreed that “for every action, everything you sow, there is a reaping or reaction.” Let the heavens bestow what they deserve. Be kind, too, with your words and actions. And most of all… never deceive people by camouflaging your intentions. Sad fact in life is when you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will TEST you, some will TEACH you and some will USE you.

Always remember that, we can always lie to anyone else in the world and hide our true selves from them – but we can never lie and deceive ourself. We know when we have done the right and wrong thing to someone. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. When ignored, it will eventually show itself. The closeness of your relationships is directly proportional to the degree to which you have revealed the truth about yourself. It can be painful…

By: Iyo_Embong 2012©Copyright. Any distribution, reproduction or copying of any part of this article is forbidden. If you wish to use this article please only use the first 2-3 lines as an excerpt and link back directly to the article along with the Authors name.