A story was told about a young woman who went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to survive and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see?’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that! Each of these objects had faced the same adversity: BOILING WATER. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I?

• Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
• Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
• Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is at the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be coffee!!!!!!

’I am learning all the time.  The tombstone will be my diploma.’ – Eartha Kitt

Think about this: “Who is blind? One who sees only himself. Who is poor? One who is troubled with so many desires. Who is rich? One who is contented with what he has. Who is happy? One who knows God and who knows that he is loved.”

Last week I attended a funeral for Gary’s brother. It grieved me to see that there were only about 25 people attended and the ceremony was held in this very tiny room. It made me wonder how many people cared for this guy. We all will die. There’s no question about that, and we are all equal on that. However, the question we should ask is how we will die. More correctly, what will we die for? On that question, we will not be equal. Some die for money, for power, or for glory. Some die for a cause, for love, or for a life mission. Whatever, what matters is that we die for something or for someone greater than ourselves. Do you have a flock you care for? Do you have a cause or advocacy in this world? Do you have a mission you live for and will die for? If you don’t, then you are an empty, vain, selfish, unworthy person who is just occupying space in this world. Let us ask ourselves today: For whom and for what am I living for? For whom and for what am I dying for?

“It is not so much your work as your heart.” But what or who do you magnify in life? How many of us live just magnifying ourselves and our own interests? Unless and until we learn humility and self-effacement, we will never be truly happy in this life.  Do you tend to magnify your woes, sinfulness, or sorrows? There are people who focus on and who constantly relate their miseries and misfortunes.

It inspires me no end to meet people who dedicate their lives for the good of their children, for the good of the country, for the good of Mother Nature, or for the good of God’s Kingdom. But then I also meet, with disappointment, people who are so focused on themselves and have no thought of who or what comes after them.

Wherever we are in life, whether in the valley of tears, or in the mountain of blessings, let us keep focused, not on our situation, but on the Lord who is with us in any situation. People come and go. Situations change. Only the Lord is constant, only the Lord remains, and only the love of God is permanent. The Lord teaches us that in our lowest moments, and even in our peak moments, we must focus on Him, and not so much on the problems or on the blessings.

May we not find ourselves with a bagful of regrets that we focused more on functions and less on persons. The problem with those who try to become a somebody is that they forget to be a someone. Perhaps all you need to do is to work less, and just love more. But before we complain, and put forth our personal miseries, let us not forget that there are people who are suffering more. If you think your life is hard, please remember that there are lots of people whose lives are harder than yours.

We live in a world of fast food, speed, competition and consumption. It’s tempting to think that the past was easier, gentler and slower. Of course, a great deal has changed in recent times, but in its own way, the past was just as frenetic, stressful and difficult as modern times.

Don’t rush. Go slow. Eat slowly. Walk slowly. Don’t over-exercise – take proper rest and get plenty of sleep. Breathe deeply. Lasting value comes from the slow and steady approach. Many drops soon fill a bucket. Great change can come about by persistent, gentle pressure. A rough stone is worn away by water gently washing over it; beautiful, sandy beaches are made from rocks in the same way. Pearls take time.

Take rest. Any farmer will tell you that a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.  Give yourself time and space. Take it easy.

Keep learning. To be alive is to learn. Learning means making mistakes, getting things wrong, failing. When you fail, it’s time to be glad and to celebrate because you learned something.

Accept life as it is, with all its imperfections and unexpected twists and turns. Things rarely go according to plan – life meanders along like a river, winding through the landscape, straight for a while but then suddenly turning. Accept yourself, with all your faults and shortcomings. Accept others, with all their faults. You relationships are never going to be perfect. People will come into and go out of your life – some will stay for a long time and others for a short while.

Listen. A writer once wrote, ‘I often regret that I have spoken; never that I remained silent.’ People are all too ready to talk. It takes courage and persistence to listen, but to do so is to open up a whole new world. ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’ If more of us did this more of the time – if we truly tried to put ourselves in the other person’s place – the world would be far better.

Drop your expectations. Life is full of surprises, odd and unexpected twists and turns which you could never have planned or anticipated. The world does not conform to your preferences and plans. Other people don’t conform either. Look back on your life. Did you expect to be where you are now? I know I could never have dreamed I would be where I am now. My own life is totally different from the one I had imagined as a child and as a young man. Better remain open to every possibility – the future is a great mystery.

Give up trying to understand. We all have an innate desire for power. We want to control the world around us so that we can be safe and secure. But the truth is that you can’t understand the world and life – it is a mystery and the only way to happiness is to strop struggling to understand and control the it and, instead, to embrace its mysterious and unfathomable nature. The philosopher Alan Watts called this the ‘Wisdom of Insecurity.’

The list above seems to suit me. But you need to work out the best way to live for yourself. We all want to find the easy route – to be told what to do, what to think to make us happy. But there is no such thing. Everyone is different and you need to walk your own walk, find your own path. You can choose to continue down the path everyone else follows, or you can choose to start living with intention. You can choose to sit and worry about the worst that could happen, or you can start making progress now, and choose to have faith that everything will work out. You can choose not to contact that person you love because you could be rejected, or you can reach out because you might be accepted. In the end, we’re all alone. Accept this, too!

Article By: Iyo_Embong

I have been wanting to write about this topic for a long time as it is something that affects each and every one of us. And, it is something that becomes more obvious the older I get.

I recently met a guy who visited from the Philippines named Mike. After a very short introduction from Ps. Jonas, we quickly became close friend. Being a good friend is about being reliable, kind-hearted and thoughtful. In this way you’ll develop and maintain a friendship that lasts for years. One good friend is priceless. Taking the time to nurture a TRUE friendship is worth every moment.

BE REAL! Good friendships don’t arise from hoping someone else’s popularity or networks will rub off on you. Rather, a good friendship comes about by being with people who connect with you at a basic level. If you’re trying to be friends with a person just to be accepted into a certain circle, or because you’d like to get to know someone else that he or she knows, that’s not friendship – it’s opportunism – and eventually you’ll regret the shallow nature of your involvement. Every new person you meet has the right to be accepted (or not) on his or her own merits, so it’s better to just be yourself than to let anyone else influence you into being someone you are not. In turn, you have a responsibility to fill their life with good memories and happy moments.

Are your friends really your friends? Are they supporting and enhancing your life or are they teaching you to think and behave in darker ways that you never thought you would? The company you keep is so important. They will change you in more ways than you know.

We all know that friends are important in our lives. They keep you company when you are bored and they love you (supposedly) when you are sick or sad. But this isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that your friends are (other than your parents) the most influential people in your life. You spend hours upon hours with these people and after a while you start to mimic their behaviour. Your friends change you.

If you go off to a mountain retreat and live with Monks and Yogis you will find that your behaviour and outlook will naturally start to become very peaceful. If you go to Wall Street and hang out with cocaine sniffing wealthy executives you will find that you naturally become more greedy and competitive. The people you hang out with change who you are. Because, as humans, we take in information from the world around us and, more importantly, we try to fit in to that world around us.

Your friends are important. They play a big role in how you see and interact with the world. Your future is largely dependent on their influence. So, are your friends really friends?

Signs your friends aren’t really friends. Now let’s go over a few signs that might indicate that your friends aren’t really your friends.

1. You have to be someone else around them

If you feel like you have to be someone other than your normal self around your friends then chances are they aren’t your real friends. We all know this feeling. You go out with these people but you feel like you need to dress or talk differently in order to fit in. These people aren’t your friends. These people are tools you are using to try and be more popular. And this type of pursuit won’t get you anywhere at all. Next time you meet up with a “friend” take a look at your own mind and behaviour and see if you are falling into this trap.

2. You gossip more

Gossip is a terrible thing. It hurts other people and it makes you feel bad about yourself in the long run. One sure sign that your friends aren’t really your friends is when you find that you gossip more around them. Gossip is, unfortunately, the product of many bad friendships. Often times we meet with people and, after running out of things to talk about, we start talking about the mistakes that other people have made. If you’re friends are making you gossip more it might be time to switch company.

3. You’re moving further away from your goals

Everyone has goals that they want to achieve. Some people want to buy a nice big house, other people want to travel and some of us want a good career. Whatever your goal in life is it should be supported by your friends. They should help you get closer and closer to this goal. The very act of hanging around with the wrong people can cause you to lose track and lose your way. If your friends are taking you further away from your goals then you really need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if they are the best thing for you.

4. You don’t notice any positive qualities growing

One thing that you will find happens quite naturally when you hang out with good friends is that your positive qualities will grow and flourish. If you find that no new positive qualities are developing and, in fact, you are developing some negative traits then it is time to be worried.

As an example I have an old friend who has spent many years in meditation retreats. Whenever I hang out with this guy I find myself becoming more loving and patient and relaxed. On the other hand, I have some friends who leave me feeling more anxious, agitated and angry at the world. There is a big difference.

Friends should bring out the best in you. They should help you to reach new heights, not bring you down to their problems. Take a look at how you feel during and after meeting your acquaintances and see what is going on with you.

But I can’t just give up! If you can stay friends with a bad influence because you feel like their example doesn’t rub off on you and, in fact, you are benefiting the person by being their friend then by all means you should stay their friend. On the other hand, as much as you truly love them and they mean the world to you, if you are finding that this person is destroying your life, bringing you down and you really aren’t getting anything from the relationship regardless what you do for them then you might need to make the tough decision. The task is to discover inside your own mind whether or not this is the best solution. And it is something that only you can ascertain. Only you can decide what the best thing to do is. You know your own heart and behaviour better than anyone else so if you can see changes going on for the worse you need to take drastic action. Nobody else can take it for you.

The company you keep is important. They influence you for both the better and the worse. Take a look at your five closest friends and see if they are good for you. Because those five people are your biggest influences. You will surely begin to emulate them in one way or another.

In my life I’ve had a minuscule taste of adulation. Nothing that made the nightly news, but enough that I felt the intoxification of self-importance. Must admit, it tasted sweet. I can see how it could become addictive for most people. But, all the while, I also felt like a pretender. Like the praise was undeserved and if they really knew me they’d pack up their smiles and applause and find more worthy prey.

What you do and what you have are the results of choices that you’ve made in life. To take joy in knowing that your ‘self-worth’ is not determined by others lets you feel joy in living. To seek joy that depends upon others approval will only bring you pain. Each day offers you a choice. Remember who you are and all that you do will be a blessing, not a curse.

“Put a rose in a sack of fish and soon the rose will start to stink too. Be careful of the company you keep.” – The 17th Karmapa Urgyen Trinley Dorje.

Article By: Iyo_Embong

Article By: Iyo_Embong

“If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.” – Ted Turner

A battle rages within every one of us every day. It’s the clash between our sense of stubborn self-sufficiency, pride versus humility.

St. Bernard defines it: “A virtue by which a man knowing himself as he truly is, abases himself.” These definitions coincide with that given by St. Thomas: “The virtue of humility”, he says, “Consists in keeping oneself within one’s own bounds, not reaching out to things above one, but submitting to one’s superior.” Humility in a higher and ethical sense is that by which a man has a modest estimate of his own worth, and submits himself to others.

Humility or humbleness is a quality of being courteously respectful of others. It is the opposite of aggressiveness, arrogance, boastfulness, and vanity. Rather than, “Me first,” humility allows us to say, “No, you first.” Humility is the quality that lets us go more than halfway to meet the needs and demands of others.

Friendships, relationships and marriages are dissolved over angry words. Resentments divide families, friends and co-workers. Prejudice separates race from race and religion from religion. Reputations are destroyed by malicious gossip. Greed puts enmity between rich and poor. Wars are fought over arrogant assertions.

Acting with humility does not in any way deny our own self worth. Rather, it affirms the inherent worth of all persons. Humility dissipates anger and heals old wounds. Humility allows us to see the dignity and worth of ALL God’s people regardless of their faith. Humility distinguishes the wise leader from the arrogant power-seeker.

The story is told about a politician who visited a mental institution. As he went from ward to ward, people greeted him, except for one who just didn’t seem to care. “Don’t you recognize me? Do you know who I am?” the politician asked the patient. Silence. When he asked the third time, the patient shouted: “Doctors, there’s a guy here who doesn’t know who he is!”

In John 20: 19-31, the disciples did not recognize Jesus right away when He appeared to them after He rose from the dead. In fact, one of them, Thomas, doubted and did not believe unless he personally saw the proof. They did not know Jesus, and did not recognize Him.

The way to God’s heart is humility. The proud and the self-righteous don’t see that way, and don’t see it that way.

We meet and see all kinds of people every day. Often, sad to say, we see them as commodities, accessories or instrumentalities. Do we see and recognize the good things in people, especially in the poor and needy?

Have you ever experienced being locked out of your room or of your car? How about calling someone, sending emails or texts and not getting any reply? It is such a humbling and frustrating feeling. Or have you been denied access to something because you did not qualify? Have you experienced being denied access to someone, and were not even heard or welcomed? May we not give such a feeling to whoever comes seeking us. May our doors not be locked to people who disturb our comfort and convenient zones.

Jesus was open and accessible to anyone who came asking for help. He made sure, too, that no one waited for Him in vain, and that no one waited for Him too long. Why? Because, He told us, He knows what it is like to be kept waiting or to be shut out, and He does not want others to feel the humiliation and the rejection. Are there people in our lives to whom we give such a feeling?

May we all become “Instruments of Peace” before we rest in peace!

“Where there is hatred, let Your love increase

Where there is hatred, we will show His love

Where there is injury, we will never judge

Where there is striving, we will speak His peace

Where there is blindness, we will pray for sight

Where there is darkness, we will shine His light

Where there is sadness, we will bear their grief

Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease

When we are Your instruments of peace. “ – St. Francis

Article By: Iyo_Embong

Article By: Iyo_Embong

With all the lying going around, please remind our children that it is still a sin to tell a lie! Please tell and retell to your children the message that lying is bad, and that to prevent others to tell the truth is also very bad!

These are the exact words of Jose Rizal (Philippines National Hero) in regard to this tendency of religious observers (from Rizal’s “The State of Religiosity in the Philippines”).

“You can hurt even unjustly the self-respect of an unfortunate; you can rob the orphan and the widow, or take the honor of one who had no other patrimony; you can apply to him the most injurious epithets and the vilest names; you can make him pay bitter tears his sad fate and your enviable situation; in short, you can even maltreat him, slap his face, and kill him morally. All this you can do and more, and nobody will say that you are a bad Christian so long as you hear mass and confess, take communion and attend all the processions, pray everyday and fast during all the days which the calendar indicates. The truth of the matter is that the orders of the church are more respected than the laws of God; rituals carry more weight than thoughts; and pomp and ceremony impress the common man more than the substance and the principle. The ease with which sins are washed away and absolution is obtained and the facility of effecting reconciliation with the creator by means of confessions, or at least by acts of contrition, induce many to violate the divine law. Anyway, they have the assurance that they will be able to purge themselves of their faults in less time than it takes them to disobey the precept or the law.”

Lying is probably one of the most common wrong acts that we carry out (one researcher has said ‘lying is an unavoidable part of human nature’), so it’s worth spending time thinking about it.

Most people would say that lying is always wrong, except when there’s a good reason for it – which means that it’s not always wrong!

But even people who think lying is always wrong have a problem… Consider the case where telling a lie would mean that 10 other lies would not be told. If 10 lies are worse than 1 lie then it would seem to be a good thing to tell the first lie, but if lying is always wrong then it’s wrong to tell the first lie…

What is a lie?

Lying is a form of deception, but not all forms of deception are lies. Lying is giving some information while believing it to be untrue, intending to deceive by doing so. Lying is an intentionally deceptive message in the form of a statement. It also includes ‘living a lie’; those cases where someone behaves in a way that misleads the rest of us as to their true nature.

Why is lying wrong?

There are many reasons why people think lying is wrong; which ones resonate best with you will depend on the way you think about ethics.

Lying is bad because a generally truthful world is a good thing: lying diminishes trust between human beings.  If people generally didn’t tell the truth, life would become very difficult, as nobody could be trusted and nothing you heard or read could be trusted – you would have to find everything out for yourself.  The funny thing is, an untrusting world is also bad for liars - lying isn’t much use if everyone is doing it!

• Lying is bad because it treats those who are lied to as a means to achieve the liar’s purpose, rather than as a valuable end in themselves.
• Lying is bad because it makes it difficult for the person being lied to make a free and informed decision about the matter concerned. Lies lead people to base their decisions on false information.
• Lying is bad because it cannot sensibly be made into a universal principle. Many people think that something should only be accepted as an ethical rule if it can be applied in every case.
• Lying is bad because it’s a basic moral wrong. Some things are fundamentally bad – lying is one of them.
• Lying is bad because it’s something that Good People don’t do. Good behaviour displays the virtues found in Good People.
• Lying is bad because it corrupts the liar. Telling lies may become a habit and if a person regularly indulges in one form of wrong-doing they may well become more comfortable with wrong-doing in general.

Some religious people argue Lying is bad because it misuses the God-given gift of human communication. God gave humanity speech so that they could accurately share their thoughts – lying does the opposite. Some philosophers say lying is bad because language is essential to human societies and carries the obligation to use it truthfully. When people use language they effectively ‘make a contract’ to use it in a particular way – one of the clauses of this contract is not to use language deceitfully.

What harm do lies do? Lies obviously hurt the person who is lied to (most of the time), but they can also hurt the liar, and society in general.

The person who is lied to suffers if they don’t find out because:

They are deprived of some control over their future because

They can no longer make an informed choice about the issue concerned

They are not fully informed about their possible courses of action

They may make a decision that they would not otherwise have made

They may suffer damage as a result of the lie

The person who is lied to suffers if they do find out because:

They feel badly treated – deceived and manipulated, and regarded as a person who doesn’t deserve the truth

They see the damage they have suffered

They doubt their own ability to assess truth and make decisions

They become untrusting and uncertain and this too damages their ability to make free and informed choices

They may seek revenge

The liar is hurt because:

He has to remember the lies he’s told

He must act in conformity with the lies

He may have to tell more lies to avoid being found out

He has to be wary of those he’s lied to

His long-term credibility is at risk

He will probably suffer harm if he’s found out

If he’s found out, people are more likely to lie to him

If he’s found out he’s less likely to be believed in future

His own view of his integrity is damaged

He may find it easier to lie again or to do other wrongs

Those who tell ‘good lies’ don’t generally suffer these consequences – although they may do so on some occasions.

Society is hurt because:

The general level of truthfulness falls – other people may be encouraged to lie

Lying may become a generally accepted practice in some quarters

It becomes harder for people to trust each other or the institutions of society

Social cohesion is weakened

Eventually no-one is able to believe anyone else and society collapses

When is it OK to lie?

• First inspect our own conscience and ask whether the lie is justified.
• Second, ask friends or colleagues, or people with special ethical knowledge what they think about the particular case.
• Thirdly, consult some independent persons about it.

This sort of test is most useful when considering what we might call ‘public’ lying – when an institution is considering just how much truth to tell about a project – perhaps a medical experiment, or a proposed war, or an environmental development.

A good way of helping our conscience is to ask how we would feel if we were on the receiving end of the lie. It’s certainly not foolproof, but it may be helpful.

Are there some truthful alternatives to using a lie to deal with the particular problem?  What moral justifications are there for telling this lie – and what counter-arguments can be raised against those justifications? Would telling the truth or telling a lie bring about the better consequences? I personally would argue that, even if lying has the better consequences, it is still morally wrong to lie. Lying is bad, because it causes harm to people and it reduces society’s general respect for truth.

Lying was always wrong. We should treat each human being as an end in itself, and never as a mere means. Lying to someone is not treating them as an end in themselves, but merely as a means for the liar to get what they want. Life would rapidly become very difficult as everyone would feel free to lie or tell the truth as they chose, it would be impossible to take any statement seriously without corroboration, and society would collapse.

“Every liar says the opposite of what he thinks in his heart, with purpose to deceive.” (St. Augustine)

St Augustine said that:

God gave human beings speech so that they could make their thoughts known to each other; therefore using speech to deceive people is a sin, because it’s using speech to do the opposite of what God intended.  The true sin of lying is contained in the desire to deceive.  Augustine believed that some lies could be pardoned, and that there were in fact occasions when lying would be the right thing to do.

He grouped lies into 8 classes, depending on how difficult it was to pardon them. Here’s his list, with the least forgivable lies at the top:

1. Lies told in teaching religion
2. Lies which hurt someone and help nobody
3. Lies which hurt someone but benefit someone else
4. Lies told for the pleasure of deceiving someone
5. Lies told to please others in conversation
6. Lies which hurt nobody and benefit someone
7. Lies which hurt nobody and benefit someone by keeping open the possibility of their repentance
8. Lies which hurt nobody and protect a person from physical ‘defilement’

But how about lying to enemies?

When two parties are at war, the obligation to tell the truth is thought to be heavily reduced and deliberate deception is generally accepted as part of the way each side will try to send its opponent in the wrong direction, or fool the enemy into not taking particular actions.

In the same way each side accepts that there will be spies and that spies will lie under interrogation (this acceptance of spying doesn’t benefit the individual spies much, as they are usually shot at the end of the day).

There are two main moral arguments for lying to enemies:

• Enemies do not deserve the same treatment as friends or neutrals, because enemies intend to do us harm and can’t grumble if we harm them in return by lying to them
• Lying to enemies will prevent harm to many people, so the good consequences outweigh the bad ones.

White lies:

A white lie is a lie that is not intended to harm the person being lied to – indeed it’s often intended to benefit them by making them feel good, or preventing their feelings being hurt.

For example, I go to a dinner party and my hostess asks how I like the dish she’s prepared. The true answer happens to be ‘I think it tastes horrible’ but if I say ‘it’s delicious’ that’s a white lie. Most people would approve of that white lie and would regard telling the truth as a bad thing to do. (But this lie does do some harm – the hostess may feel encouraged to make that dish again, and so future guests will have to suffer from it.) Or let’s take it closer to our heart. What if your partner cooks bad food? Are you going to tell her/him the truth or should you say ‘Darling it’s lovely’? Careful now, he/she might cook same dish for you every night!

White lies usually include most of these features:

• They are not intended to harm the person lied to
• They are not intended to harm anyone else
• They don’t actually harm anyone (or only do trivial harm)
• The lie is about something morally trivial
• They aren’t told so often that they devalue what you say

White lies are not a totally good thing:

• The person being lied to is deprived of information that they might find useful even if they found it unpleasant
• The person telling the lies may find it easier to lie in future and they may come to blur the boundary between white lies and more blameworthy lies

White lies weaken the general presumption that lying is wrong and may make it easier for a person to tell lies that are intended to harm someone, or may make it easier to avoid telling truths that need to be told – for example, when giving a performance evaluation it is more comfortable not to tell someone that their work is sub-standard.

Lying to liars. If someone lies to you, are you entitled to lie to them in return? Has the liar lost the right to be told the truth? Human behaviour suggests that we do feel less obliged to be truthful to liars than to people who deal with us honestly.

We are not justified in lying to another person because they have lied to you. From an ethical point of view, the first thing is that a lie is still a lie – even if told to a liar. The old maxim ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ suggests that it isn’t, and it’s clear that even if the liar has lost their right to be told the truth, all the other reasons why lying is bad are still valid.

If you think people don’t lie, ask the Lawyers & Doctors!

So why might healthcare professionals want to lie ‘for the good of patients’, and what are the arguments against this sort of lying?

• Lying may be good therapy. The doctor may believe that the patient should only be given information that will help their treatment
• Lying deprives the patient of the chance to decide whether they want the treatment – highly intrusive treatment near the end of life may prolong life, but at greatly reduced quality, and the patient, if properly informed, might decline such treatment
• The truth may harm the patient. A patient may, for example, give up hope, go into a decline or suffer a heart attack if given a depressing diagnosis and prognosis – they may even choose to kill themselves

Information should be given in a way that minimizes harm – the patient should be appropriately prepared to receive the information and given proper support after being given bad news.

I’m sure that patients in general don’t go into a severe decline or choose to kill themselves after hearing some bad news. Patient should be given the chance to consider all legal courses of action, no matter how undesirable other people may think they are. Lying deprives the patient of the opportunity to take meaningful decisions about their life, based on accurate medical information. Then again Doctors also make mistakes like all of us. Patient may realise that the symptoms they experience and the way their disease progresses don’t fit what they have been told!

It’s the duty of the professional to communicate the truth in a way that each particular patient can understand, and to check that they really have understood it. (Honesty and intelligibility are particularly important when obtaining patient consent for a particular treatment or procedure.)

Sure, patients may go into denial if being told the truth, but that’s the patient’s choice! Denial may be an important stage of coming to terms with the inevitable; the patient should not be deprived of the chance of working through it and dealing with their life-situation.

If the patient is not told the truth they cannot give ‘informed consent’ to any proposed course of action. A patient can only give informed consent if they know such things as the truth about their illness, what form the treatment will take, how it will benefit them, the probabilities of the possible outcomes, what they will experience during and after the treatment, the risks and side-effects, and the qualifications and track-record of those involved in the treatment. I’m sure that patients do better after treatment if they have a full understanding of both the treatment and the illness, and have been allowed to take some participation and control of the course of their treatment.

How about in the Church? Well…that’s another story.

“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” – Thoreau

Article By: Iyo_Embong

Article By: Iyo_Embong

Question: Is there anyone, anyone at all in your life, who is willing to die for you? Maybe your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend is with you right now. Ask him/her, if he/she is willing to die for you. I’m sure that their reply will certainly disappoint you.

It is Easter again. This is the most important days for us Christians. In fact, it is more important than Christmas because if Christ did not suffer, die and rise again, then there would have been no salvation. For us Christians, death is not the graduation but a commencement. Just the thought that death is not a closure but an opening is a tremendous source of hope. Sad to say, for some it meant nothing at all. In John 20: 1-9, the disciples saw an empty tomb, and their whole lives took on a new meaning from then on. The Resurrection was the pivotal event that changed their lives forever. The resurrection gave them power and strength, and transformed them from timid and fearful cowards to dedicated and committed disciples.

Easter gives us hope. Easter should also make us agents of hope and joy. We often forget that because we are so entombed in our own problems and concerns. A joyful person empowered by the Risen Lord is one who says: “Hey, look! I have big problems, but my God is bigger than my problems! I have sins and failures, but my God is a God who loves me and forgives!” More than ever, we need joyful people who continue to point to the Risen Lord.

“They have taken the Lord from the tomb, and we don’t know where they put Him.” This best describes what happens to many of us: after we spent some holy moments with the Lord during the Holy Week, we don’t know where to put Him when we go back to our ordinary weeks. In the Holy Week, we put Him in the center of our hearts, but after that He is nowhere in our sight.

The Way of the Cross, the Crucifixion and Death and Easter itself have only one clear message: YOU AND I ARE SO MUCH LOVED PERSONALLY BY GOD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON TO DIE ON THE CROSS.

As Easter unfold, let us not just be bystanders or onlookers. Let us be a part of it all. Here are some suggestions to make Easter holy. They are all doable, all valuable.

RELAX: Many of us are overworked and overstressed. We need to rest our bodies and our minds so that we can “fine tune” with ourselves, with other people and with God. Take a break. Take a walk. Commune with nature. See the sunset. Enjoy the moon. Close your cellular phone and just allow yourself to be open to the Divine. Let go. Let things be. God is in charge. Experience the resting power of sleep and rest. Smile at the sky. Walk the earth. whistle a happy tune, or hum a favourite melody. Just thank God you are still alive.

REFLECT: Find time to relax so you can reflect. Don’t end up just relaxing. Don’t end up tired and empty because you were too busy to relax and thus found no time to slow down and reflect. How long has it been now since you have been in this world? What have you done? You have work, but do you have a life? What is really important for you? What do you still want to do or accomplish? How is your family and relationships? Is there excess luggage in your heart? How would you like to be remembered after you are gone? Questions. Questions. Allow yourself to be questioned by life itself.

REPENT: We all fall. We all have mistakes and weaknesses. Accept your limitations. Welcome to humanity! Be humble. Find time to say sorry to people you may have hurt or just taken for granted. Make time to visit, to write, to call, to text, to email anyone you need to say sorry to. Is there one bad habit you need to give up? Is there one good habit you need to take up? This is the time for soul-searching. Promise yourself not to go back to the pit of selfishness.

RENEW: Take time to recharge and just be filled up. Don’t just sit in the comforts of your home and watch your favourite television shows/movies. Renew ties with your immediate family. Make yourself available and vulnerable to them. Tell them in so many ways that you really care. The world is not just you and your family. Reach out. Give and share. The time to give is always now and it is never too late, never too much. Go and visit a hospital, an orphanage, an old people’s home or a sick person. Renew your contact with yourself. Go over old pictures, old letters and files and remember who you were and what you wanted to be. Clean your room and clean your heart of all the “could-have- beens” and “should-have- beens” and accept yourself. Embrace yourself for what you are and what you still can be.

RESIGN: That’s right, resign. Resign from places and people which and who do not bring out the best in you. Resign from vices that are slowly but surely eating you up. Resign from falsehood and pretenses. Be true. Have substance. Just give your best and God will take care of the rest and you will have peace – that peace – which the world cannot give or take away.

On a personal note, Easter gives meaning to what I do in life. I chose to give up the things and people that I could have and hold in this world. I chose, too, in going beyond my personal needs and agenda to respond to people’s needs; and all these I do joyfully, humbly and gratefully.

The road that leads to true life is never easy, but the assurance is there. May Easter be for each of us a week of cleansing, a week of renewal and strengthening of our faith – with HOPE and with LOVE.

Article By: Iyo_Embong

By: Iyo_Embong

Aside from death, the other certainty in life is the various twists and turns of fate we all are subject to before taking that final breath. The twists in my life were not an exception. Like many of us, lately life has been very challenging for me and during this time you will certainly know who your true friend is. The people that you’ve help or lent money to, you’re so called friends – they’ve all disappeared. Eric Clapton was right in one of his song “Nobody knows you when you’re down and out”. But in the midst of it, I had a visit from my friend Ian Manly last week who made this profound comment to me; “Ed, if we are going to fight for $5,000.00 I will give you the $5,000.00 just to save our friendship”…. I was blown away and was really touched by that statement.

A while ago, I came across a definition of “friend” as another body sharing the same soul. As ethereal as it may seem, the definition elicits visions of a bond between one person and another, regardless of sex, religion, upbringing, and ethnic background, sense of purpose, among others.

While some have several friends, others can barely count with their fingers those they can really share their souls with. For some, friendship can start after the first informal contact. Others take a longer time to nurture and develop it. In very rare cases, friendship is just there all the time, waiting for the right circumstances to make its presence felt.

Deeper than the “fiscal crisis” we are facing is the moral crisis that pervades our society today. Values such as honesty, integrity and diligence are now seen as old fashioned and things of the past. Everybody, as in everybody, is out to make money, whatever money, whoever’s money, and the end result is that the rich and powerful become richer, and the poor become poorer. The lure of fast, easy money has led so many astray. Never have so few have it so good, while so many have it so difficult, as in our present day and time.

Remember the story of the Greek philosopher Diogenes who went around with a lamp in the broad daylight looking for a good man in Greece? According to rumors, he has been recently seen again going to different countries looking for good men. He was recently seen, according to reports, sitting down in a street corner somewhere in Asia, feeling so dejected. When asked why, he was reported to have said: “I not only had a hard time looking for good men. I even lost my lamp!” Where, oh where, are the good men and women? Where, oh where, are the lamps, the “salt of the earth,” the “light of the world” in our land?

“When in doubt, tell the truth.” This is a very good rule that leads to peace. Lying leads to agony in the long run. In the “short run,” it may lead to glory but, as you and I know, glory is not forever. People who cover lies will have to cover, and will have to continue to cover many, many more lies. He/she who tells a lie will have to try to remember all the time what he told.

Deal with “truth decay” as you would with tooth decay. If your tooth is aching, you don’t deny it, you don’t sanitize it, you don’t rationalize it, you don’t postpone it. No, you deal with it, and you deal with it fast and radically. As with tooth decay, the only way you deal with truth decay is to open up.

As we go about our lives, we encounter different levels of good.

• The first is the level of LOOKING GOOD. This is the level which we are busy with most of the time. What others say is what matters on this level.
• The second level is FEELING GOOD. This is the level where what we say or feel about ourselves is the center of our attention.
• The third level is that of DOING GOOD. There is a value outside as that makes us do good things.
• Then there is the level of simply BEING GOOD. This is the level where goodness emanates from a heart. The problem with many of us is that we put priority over looking good, and feeling good over doing good and being good. Just be good and everything else will follow.

Abraham Lincoln has a beautiful reminder for all of us, who live in a world so full of hypocrisy and sincerity: “I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true; I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to the light I have; I must stand with anybody that stands right, stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.”

Too often, we think of hypocrisy as the deceit of bad people pretending to be good. However, the opposite could also be the same, that of good people pretending to be bad. That’s true. I know a lot of people who are really good but keep pretending and acting as if they are bad. I don’t know why they do so. Is it because they think that being good is a sign of weakness? There is no greater strength than goodness and gentleness of heart.

At the end of the day when everything is quiet, we will be left alone with ourselves, minus our titles, positions and possessions, minus our masks and put-ons. When money comes into the picture, the purest and cleanest thoughts, convictions and even values can become obscured. When money talks, people begin to lose their sense of sight, hearing, speaking and even their sense of feeling.

By: Iyo_Embong 2012©Copyright. Any distribution, reproduction or copying of any part of this article is forbidden. If you wish to use this article please only use the first 2-3 lines as an excerpt and link back directly to the article along with the Authors name.

By: Iyo_Embong

Was walking around Brisbane with a friend one day and saw this shop called “Broken Hearted Cafe”. Astonished and amazed and thinking about James Taylor’s old song. I jokingly made a comment saying; maybe I should open one next door called ‘I Fix Broken Hearts Cafe’ specializing in comforting, repairing and restoring of people’s hearts that has been broken.

Picture this; you are sitting with your cell phone staring at a text message you wrote hours ago. You debate whether to send it or not. You stare at your phone while your mind tells you to have more respect for yourself. You logically understand that sending the message is not going to make the situation any better – nor will it heal your pain. Then your heart enters the scene and overpowers your mind. Your heart says, “Go ahead, send it, you will feel better…temporarily at least.”

How long will it be before you can get through your daily routine without feeling the wave of pain sweep over you, without sensing that knot in the pit of your stomach, and without dwelling on what went wrong?

A broken heart can cause such an intense reaction that you may feel your life has been completely stripped of meaning. Jobs, hobbies, and friends may no longer hold any joy. In fact, some of us even experience physical pain with a tight chest, nervous stomach, or terrible insomnia. “Time heals all wounds” is something we have all heard over the years, but does time really heal those wounds? Personally I don’t think so. I am sure many great and meaningful people have died in the past with a broken heart.

Remember the jukebox which played music whenever a coin was put into it? Some people are like that. It is money and fame that moves them. Actually, perhaps in real life, some people are not like a jukebox, they’re a joke box. Their whole life is a joke. They think they can get away with everything just by fooling everyone, including themselves!

Are you a “show business” or a “do-business” person? Are you one who does anything just to please everyone? Or are you one who does whatever it takes just to get moving with your personal and social agenda?

It does not take long for us to know if a person is a person of ‘substance’. It takes one to know one I suppose, and this applies too in knowing if a person is just a person of form. Sooner or later their true colour will appear.

Somebody once said that there is no acceptable substitute for honesty, and there is no valid excuse for dishonesty. There is a price to pay for our honesty and dishonesty. The price for the former is peace, while the price for the latter is stress.

I am astonished and amazed at some people who expect the other person to be continually faithful to them while they kept on switching their loyalties and commitments. Perhaps “opportunists” would better describe them. What is amazing is that these types of people don’t seem to care at all! Many of us can be so in love with power, control and can be so disillusioned by it. Power, fame and money are first cousins, and the evil one knows just how to use them for our downfall and unmaking.

In our life we come across various reactions, from acceptance to doubt, and even rejection. But we need to be someone who has substance, who have depth and who have principles. May we all go toward the road of honesty. It could be a lonely road, but it is a road that leads to life.

“In high school, I used to think it was like so cool if a guy had an awesome car. Now none of that matters. These days I look for CHARACTER and HONESTY and TRUST.” ― Taylor Swift

By: Iyo_Embong 2012©Copyright. Any distribution, reproduction or copying of any part of this article is forbidden. If you wish to use this article please only use the first 2-3 lines as an excerpt and link back directly to the article along with the Authors name.

By: Iyo_Embong

“Life tells you nothing, it shows you everything.” – Richard Bach

Only once in your life (some may think differently), I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another person and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, your dreams, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two, texts during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

“Close partners are interpersonal artists, sculpting one another’s strengths and weaknesses so as to bring out the best in each other”. Such affirmation promotes trust in the partner and strengthens commitment.  And commitment with great respect and understanding to each other is a key predictor of relationship durability.” – Michelangelo

By: Iyo_Embong 2012©Copyright. Any distribution, reproduction or copying of any part of this article is forbidden. If you wish to use this article please only use the first 2-3 lines as an excerpt and link back directly to the article along with the Authors name.

By: Iyo_Embong

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” – Leo F. Buscaglia

“We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.”

Many people have the idea that it is wrong to need other people. Sometimes this is because they have experienced extreme pain from the loss of a loved one due to death or a breakup of some sort. And some people were taught as children that they should not ever need anyone.

Neediness and needing others is not the same thing. People thrive on love and nurturing. We were created to be in relationship with other people. Some of us need more interaction than others.

Sometimes because we have opened ourselves fully to another only to have lost that person in a devastating way we retreat from all interaction, or we get only so close to those in our lives. We have our guard up. We build walls that may never be penetrated. We constantly watch people come and go in our lives because they cannot cross our boundaries, the ones we have built on fear.

And when we have these walls we lose out on a lot in life. Yes, we may avoid pain, most likely we do avoid a great deal of it, but we also don’t allow ourselves to love or be loved and without that we are empty shells. God works through our relationships and interactions with others. When we shut off from people, we close the door on God as well.

Getting and giving love can happen in many ways. Even if we don’t have a romantic partnership we can give and receive love from others, and we should do this even if we have a special love relationship. We give and receive from our friends, community, coworkers, neighbors, anyone in our lives who we can share kindness with will offer us opportunities to share love.

If we have a particular need and it is not getting met we can ask for help from someone close to us. Sometimes we may just need a hug or a listening ear. And it’s almost guaranteed that a good friend would be flattered that we asked and then in turn feel they could come to us for the same.

To continue to grow emotionally and spiritually we need to love and be loved. We cannot ever expect one person to meet every need so it’s important to have a circle of people and love in our lives.

Giving and receiving love is important and something we should all seek; and never be ashamed of it.

By: Iyo_Embong 2012©Copyright. Any distribution, reproduction or copying of any part of this article is forbidden. If you wish to use this article please only use the first 2-3 lines as an excerpt and link back directly to the article along with the Authors name.