You’ll Never Walk Alone
R. Rodgers and O. Hammerstein II

“When you walk through the storm, hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm, there’s a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on, through the wind, walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone, you’ll never walk alone…”

I’m sure there are people in your life whom you see acting in ways that upsets you.  Watching our loved ones, family or a good friend traverse a path littered with stumbling blocks can be immensely painful. We instinctively want to guide them toward a safer track and share with them the knowledge and wisdom we have acquired through experience. Yet all human beings have the right to carve their own paths without being unduly influenced by outside interference. To deny them that right is to deny them enlightenment, as true insight cannot be conveyed in lectures. Rather, each individual must earn independence and illumination by making decisions and reflecting upon the consequences of each choice. In allowing others to walk their paths freely, you honour their right to express their humanity in whatever way they see fit. Though you may not agree with or identify with their choices, understand that each person must learn in their own way and at their own pace.

The events and circumstances that shape our lives are unique because each of us is unique. What touches one person deeply may do nothing more than irritate or confound another. Therefore, each of us is drawn to different paths – the paths that will have the most profound effects on our personal evolution. If you feel compelled to intervene when watching another human being make their way slowly and painfully down a difficult path, try to empathize with their need to grow autonomous and make their own way in the world. Should this person ask for your aid, give it freely. You can even tell them about your path or offer advice in a conscious loving way. Otherwise, give them the space they need to make their own mistakes, to enjoy the fruits of their labours, to revel in their triumphs, and to discover their own truths.

The temptation to direct the paths of others is a creature of many origins. Overactive pride and egos can convince us that ours is the one true path or awaken a craving for control within us. But each person is entitled to seek out their path leading from the darkness into the light. When we celebrate those paths and encourage the people navigating them, we not only enjoy the privilege of watching others grow – we also reinforce our dedication to diversity, independence, and individuality.

“Fear can trap us in lives of quiet desperation that leave us thirsty for purpose, hungry for depth and disconnected from the unique potential that lies within us.”

Parents should allow their children to be more independent and in this sense not interfere with their growing process. How are children meant to learn if parents interfere by cushioning every tiny blow life gives them? Interfering with the child’s path and dictating what they should or should not learn will hinder their talents and skills. If you let them choose what their passions are early on, they could turn out to be very gifted individuals.

Even in cases where the children are well, not really children anymore, parents still have to step back and allow them to live their lives without interference. They should rest assured, with hope and enough faith that all things they’ve taught the children when they were younger would be sufficient enough for them to make their own smart decisions. Even if the outcomes aren’t great, at least they’re allowed to learn from their mistakes.

What I’ve come to accept more and more as a parent is that my children have their own path to walk, and while I can help giving them some pointers along the way, I can’t walk it for them. I can just let them know that I’m here cheering for them, and happy to be a sounding board, a taxi driver, a counsellor, a teacher, a cook, or whatever else they need me to be in the process of becoming the amazing adults I know and hope they will become.

Which makes gets me thinking about how I got to where I am today. Through lots of falling down and getting back up! But also with a deep knowing that I was loved and lovable even when I acted in ways that weren’t so endearing to my own parents or anyone else.

And what about you? What lessons have you learned on the way to where you are now? And while I’m sure you could look back and think how, if some things had been different during your own teen years and early adulthood, it would have been easier, I’m hopeful that you are ultimately grateful for all that you have learned about yourself and about life as you getting got to the place you are at today. After all, you would not be you, had you not had to fall down, get up and learn how to move on as you did – whether in your friendships, marriage, career or any other area of your life.

If there is a lesson from all of this for me… and hopefully for you… it is that we ultimately need to let other people figure out life for themselves and to let them walk their own paths.